Welcome to Gundam Talk Radio
by Odeeyou
Summary: (REPOSTED) Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the Gundam Pilots had their own Radio talk show? Me neither. But I wrote it anyway! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
1. Chapter 1

This story was taken off fanfiction a while ago because it had been misrated. But now its back again and I plan to add more chapters! So if you reviewed if before, please do so again. And if you havent, feel free to!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own in any way, shape, or from, the characters of Gundam Wing. But have you ever wondered what would happen if the GW-gang ever got there own radio talk show? Me neither! But I wrote it anyway! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Duo was wandering aimlessly around Quatre's mansion one day, looking for something to do. Or someone to bother. Either or, it didn't matter. So long as he wasn't board. It was a warm day on the colony, (Well, it was always a warm day on the colony) when he found Quatre walking about the gardens on the back of his mansion.  
  
"Hey Quatre!" He flagged him down and ran over to him.  
  
Quatre looked up from the roses he smelled to see Duo running toward him. "Hey Duo."  
  
"Q-man! What-cha doing?" He looked at the bed of roses Quatre adored.  
  
"Just communicating with nature!" Quatre took in a deep breath of freshly recycled air.  
  
Duo sweat dropped. "Quat, you really need a girlfriend."  
  
"No thank you! I've had enough of that! My sisters were always trying to set me up! I've had enough of dates to last me until I'm thirty!"  
  
"Quatre! I didn't know you were such a player!" Duo nudged his lightly in the ribs. Quatre's face reddened. Which was of course Duo's goal. "Hey Quat, we've lived here for what? A year? I don't think I ever got around to asking you just why you have a huge electrical tower in your back yard."  
  
"That's a radio tower, Duo." Quatre corrected him.  
  
Duo's face was that of question but was quickly replaced with that of glee. "You have your own radio station? Cool!"  
  
"We used too. When this colony was first put up, the high frequencies used to communicate to earth with were not yet open to civilians. Only the military. And so to avoid clashing signals, the colonists used old FM radio waves for colony purposes. I don't think people even listen to FM radio anymore-" Before he could finish the history lesson, his arm was grabbed by Duo and was being pulled in the direction of the tower.  
  
"Come on! Lets go check it out!" Duo pulled him into the small building near the tower.  
  
Duo looked around the rooms and at various CD's scattered about the floor. Then he found it. The room he was looking for. The room where people talk and play music and stuff. He flipped various switches to try and get the light on. A small red light flickered on over his head and he sat down in a chair in front of the microphone.  
  
"Good evening ladies, babes, and chicks!" Duo yelled into the microphone.  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
Heero sat down in front of his laptop in the living area of the mansion. While doing some paper work, he turned the radio onto the old FM radio station so he could hear the news when a new station caught his attention.  
  
"I am the great Duo Maxwell! He runs, he hides, he does everything. But he never lies! Duo Maxwell!" Duo proclaimed proudly over the station.  
  
'What the hell? What are they doing at a radio station?' Heero suddenly remembered the old radio tower in the backgrounds of the mansion.  
  
"Duo, this equipment hasn't been run in decades. I doubt if it works anymore. It would take months to get the equipment up and in working order again." A voice said that sounded a lot like Quatre.  
  
"Ack! I know that! I'm just having a bit of fun! What say you listeners at home? Lets have some fun!" Duo exclaimed on the radio.  
  
"For you lovely ladies would like a date with the incredibly handsome, witty, charming, intelligent, and debonair-"  
  
"I'm surprised you even know what debonair means." Quatre cut in.  
  
"I'm suprised comedy isn't your profession! AHEM! As I was saying. . .crap. What was I saying? Ah yes! Duo Maxwell! My number is available to all you ladies! 6432-763-5674-874-extension number 896!"  
  
"Duo, that's my phone number!" Quatre yelled at him.  
  
"AHHAHAHA! Welcome my co-host! Quatre Rebarba Winner! That's right ladies! He's handsome, he's got his own radio station, he's head of Winner industries, and he's available!" Duo started cracking up.  
  
"I'm just glad this thing doesn't work."  
  
"Quatre? Are you in here? There is a problem at the mansion and- Maxwell! What are you doing?" WuFei yelled.  
  
"Ah! To all the people out there in radio land, its out special guest! The one! The only! The Wu-man!" Duo clapped and whistled.  
  
"Maxwell! My name is WuFei! WUFEI! Got that?" He growled at him.  
  
"That's what I said Wu-man. People, Wu-man here is a proud member of the He-man woman haters club! So to all you guys out there who like the big, strong, and violent type of guys, call us at-"  
  
"Maxwell! I am not gay!" WuFei's voice got noticeably louder.  
  
"Sure Wu-man. You just keep telling yourself that." Duo somehow managed to keep his voice controlled.  
  
"DIE MAXWELL!" Various sounds of furniture being thrown around the room  
  
"Allah, why me? Where did I go wrong? I have been faithful to you, have I not? Why do you punish me so?" Quatre pleaded softly in the background. Sounds of footsteps walking away before silence.  
  
Footsteps come back. "Braided baka." More silence (tap, tap) on the microphone) "Hello? Testing, testing. Hello and welcome to happy hour with Chang WuFei! I will start off with a song."  
  
"Happy Birthday to me. . .Happy birthday to me!" WuFei sung with an odd amount of easiness in his voice.  
  
"Wu-man! I didn't know it was your birthday!" Duo cheered.  
  
"Shut up Maxwell and let me enjoy my birthday!" WuFei yelled at him. "And now I shall do some impersonations. My first is Heero Yuy. Who are you and who do you work for? Thank you people!"  
  
Duo and Quatre laughed in the background  
  
"And now for my next impersonation. ". . . . . ." That was my impersonation of Trowa Barton! Beat that Robin Williams!"  
  
"Wait wait! I want to do my impersonation of Wu-man here!" Duo broke in. "I'm a little tea pot short and stout, this is my hand-"  
  
"MAXWELL!" More sounds of breaking furniture. Followed by silence.  
  
Footsteps approaching, "Hello? Quatre?" Trowa's voice picked up. "Figures. I get in the mood to talk to someone and there's not a freakin soul around!"  
  
Silence. (tap, tap) "Hello, I am Trowa Barton. Lets talk about our feelings any why people hide from them. Quatre Rebarba Winner for example. Many people think he is gay. As he has never been on a date that wasn't arranged by his sisters. What do you think he is hiding by running away from all of these women?"  
  
"TROWA!" Quatre yells, Sounds of choking and strangling.  
  
"MAXWELL! Get back here so I can kill you!" WuFei's voice returns.  
  
More sounds of breaking furniture. "If there are any police officers out there listening right now, please SAVE ME!" Duo screamed.  
  
Sounds of phone ringing.  
  
"Hold on a minute with the killing there Wu-man. I have to answer the phone." Duo picked up the phone. "Hello?"  
  
Sound of phone on the radio. "Duo."

"Hey Heero! What's up!?" Duo chirped.  
  
"You do realize that you're live on the air?" Heero looked up from the phone he was talking on. Rashid, the other fighters, and a large amount of the mansions workers had gathered around the radio. And were currently laughing their head's off.  
  
Duo, Quatre, WuFei and Trowa all looked up at the ceiling. The small red ceiling light that was actually a sign that was flashing "ON THE AIR"  
  
Heero held the phone away from his ear expectantly. A few moments of silence passed. Then four voices chorused on the radio at a very high pitch. . . "NANI?"  
  
WHAT DO YOU THINK? GOOD? BAD?  
I CAN CONTINUE IF YOU WANT WHAT DO YOU THINK? R&R


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters in it. A shame really.  
  
Duo flipped the on switch and sat down in front of the microphone once more. He cracked his neck and cleared his voice. "Welcome once again to Gundam Talk Radio!"  
  
"Today, I will play a variety of oldies and classic music. Because that is the only thing we have in this radio station! Our first hit is by Heero Yuy that I recorded while he was in the shower!" (presses play button)  
  
(Heero sings in monotone) "I'm singing in the rain. Just singing in the rain. What a glories feel it is, I'm happy again."  
  
"AH-HAHAHA! Now tell me that isn't scary!" Duo laughed.  
  
O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o  
  
Heero sat next to radio. His left eye was twitching violently. "I'm going to kill him. No doubts this time." He got up and walked off, forgetting to turn the radio off.  
  
"To any princesses out there who are listening and looking for a hunk of a body guard and part time singer, Heero's number is-"  
  
(Sounds of Gunshots) "EEEEKKK!" Duo screamed on the radio at a very high pitch.  
  
"Say it and I kill you." Heero's monotone voice on the radio.  
  
Duo laughed weakly. "But on to more important matters, like my survival. Today, I have Quatre's little black book! HAHA! I knew he had one! Lets see what phone numbers we have in here. . ."  
  
"Dorothy Catalonia. Only Quat would date a woman that tried to kill him. Lets see, we have a Sylvia Noventa. . . HUH? What's Rashid's number doing in here? Wait, I don't want to know. We have a number without a name! Lets call and see who it is!" Duo screamed in excitement.  
  
(Beep, beep, beep beep beep, beep beep, beep, beep-) sound of dialing number. (Phone ringing.) "Hello? Catherine Bloom speaking."  
  
"WHA-? Oh man! Wait until Trowa finds out about this!"  
  
"QUATRE!!!" Trowa yells in the distance.  
  
"And I think he just did!" Duo laughed.  
  
(Sounds of foot steps approaching) "Duo? What are you doing with my address book?" Quatre asked.  
  
"Just using you little black book to contact some of your old girl friends, Q-man!" (Sound of Duo flipping through pages)  
  
"Duo, I don't have a little black book. That's just a regular address book." Quatre said.  
  
"Oh. That would certainly explain WuFei's cell phone number. . ." Duo sounded thoughtful.  
  
"Duo. . ." Quatre said dangerously.  
  
"QUATRE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Trowa's voice came in full force.  
  
"AAGGHH!" (Sounds of breaking furniture.) "Trowa! It's not like that! Duo was lying!" Quatre said desperately.  
  
"YEAH? AND WHAT ABOUT THE PHONE BILL AND ALL THE CALLS TO THE CIRCUS?" More sounds of breaking furniture)  
  
"Trowa, those are your phone calls! And it has never been like that with us!" Quatre managed to calm him down.  
  
"Is that so?" Trowa's voice went back to normal.  
  
"Well, there was that one time at last New Years Eve party we were both really drunk and. . ." (Quatre slapped a hand over his mouth.)  
  
"WHAT?!" Trowa yelled.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You go Quatre!" Duo cheered  
  
"AAGGHH!" (Sounds of breaking furniture and people running out the door.  
  
"And that was this weeks soap opera episode of "Of Love and Gundams."" Duo cackled.  
  
(phone ringing) Duo picked it up. "Hello?"  
  
"Duo." (female voice on the radio.)  
  
"Hey people! Its Releena Darlian Peacecraft! What can I do for you?" Duo asked.  
  
"I was wondering if I could get a copy of the recording of Heero singing in the shower. And could I get his number from you?" Releena asked.  
  
"Sure! His number is 4663-2987-612-7673-extension number 896."  
  
"Thanks Duo. And to any other princesses listening out there, LAY OFF HEERO! HE'S MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" (Sound of phone hanging up.)  
  
"Whoa. Didn't see that coming."  
  
"DUO!" Heero yelled. (Sounds of gun shots)  
  
"I should have seen that coming! AAGGHH!" (Sounds of more gun shots and Duo running away.)  
  
Silence for several moments. (Sounds of foot steps approaching) "Braided baka." WuFei mumbled under his breath. "Thinks he can pull one on me? Two can play this game."  
  
"Welcome to today's episode of, "Revenge with WuFei." Today, I shall be expelling secrets and embarrassing moments about a certain braided baka Gundam Pilot Maxwell. For pictures to go with these priceless moments, visit my website at "blahblahblah"

"Just last week, while we were at Princess Releena's palace as her security against a possible assassination attempt, I caught Duo sneak into her closet and try on her shoes." WuFei snickered.  
  
"Also, I have witnessed several of his attempts to get into Heero Yuy's pants. And was unsuccessful, walking away with bruises and broken bones. I don't know what Yuy's preference is on this matter. But I don't think Yuy wants him trying on his spandex."  
  
"Wu-man! You said you wouldn't tell anyone!" Duo ran it and whined at WuFei.  
  
"I never said that! And don't call me Wu-man!" WuFei yelled back at him.  
  
"Then maybe I should tell all the people about the little pink tutu you keep in your closet with the-"  
  
"DIE MAXWELL!" WuFei yelled. (Sounds of broken furniture being broken again and more so.)  
  
(Silence and foot steps approaching) "I'll kill him the next time I see him. How do you turn this thing off? Stupid antique machine" a monotone voice speaks.  
  
(sounds of pressing buttons) Song from "Foo Fighters" turns on.  
  
"Too alarming now to talk about"  
"Take you pictures down"  
"And shake it out"  
"Truth or consequence, say it aloud"  
"Use that evidence race it around"  
  
Heero felt compelled to sing along with the song. Though still in monotone. I think he's tone deaf. "There goes my hero, watch him as he goes. There goes my hero, he's ordinary."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Hysterical laughing.  
  
"What's so funny Trowa?" Heero stopped singing.  
  
"The radio is still on." Trowa stifled a laugh.  
  
". . . . ." BANG! Sound of gun shot.  
  
"Too bad. I was just starting to like that CD." Trowa stated.  
  
"Yeah. Me too." Heero grunted. (Sounds of foot steps leaving.)  
  
(Foot steps returning) "Is everyone gone?" Duo asked. "Good. Now where did I put my Brittany Spears CD? Oh crap, this thing is still turned on! Did I say Brittany Spears? I meant. . . uh. . . Nirvana! Yeah! That's it!"  
  
"Duo!" Quatre yelled to him. "Thanks for letting me borrow your Brittany Spears CD." Quatre said.  
  
"Uh. . .that's not MY CD! Heh.heh." Duo said weakly.  
  
"BAKA MAXWELL!" WuFei yelled at him. "Are you done borrowing my Brittany Spears CD yet. . . . .MAXWELL TURN THAT THING OFF!!!"  
  
"AAGGHH!" Duo screamed and ran away.  
  
"Maxwell! Get back here!" WuFei ran after him.  
  
(Beep, beep beep beep, beep, beep, beep beep) Sound of dialing numbers. "Hello?" Quatre asked. "Belleview Mental Institution? Yes, I'd like to make a reservation for four. . ."


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing or the Gundam Wing cast and I have no great wish to. I like it very much but I would not want to own it. There are a few things I wouldn't mind owning, but Gundam Wing is not one of them.  
  
O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o  
  
Everyone was sitting around comfortably in the back yard waiting for everyone else to arrive. Quatre was on the grill cooking the food. Duo was distracting him and putting extra hot sauce on the food. Trowa was setting up the tables for the barbeque. WuFei was eating potato chips lazily. And the rest of the mansions workers were sitting about listening to the radio.  
  
Une, Sally, and Noin walked into the back yard. All carrying a platter of food brought for the get together.  
  
"Une! Sally! Noin! I am glad that you could make it! Where is Zechs? Wasn't he coming with you?" Quatre looked around.  
  
"He's here. He went off in search of Heero. I suppose I should go look for him." Noin sat the food down on the table and walked off in search of him.  
  
"Oye! Ladies! Would you like some punch?" Duo grinned and offered some glasses of drink.  
  
Sally shook her head. "No thanks. Maybe later." She walked over to WuFei and snatched a chip out of his fingers. "These things are unhealthy for you, you know?" And ate the chip herself, ignoring the glare she got from him.  
  
"Thank you Duo, I could use a drink." Une took a glass from him and drank it quickly. "That long ride here made me thirsty." Duo shrugged and handed her the other glass as well.  
  
MEANWHILE, IN A FAMILIAR ROOM NEXT TO AN OLD RADIO TOWER. . .  
  
Zechs walked into the small dimly lit room of the small building that was in Quatre's back yard. He flipped a few switches looking for a light. A small red light turned on overhead and lit the room. He looked about the room, a lot of old CD's and equipment was scattered about the room. "Heero? Are you in here? I'm ready for that rematch at chess. I will defeat you this time."  
  
He noticed a microphone sitting at a desk with a lot of old looking equipment. He sat down and moved the microphone over to his mouth.  
  
O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o  
  
Duo was flipping radio stations looking for something good when he came to a familiar sound. A voice picked up on the radio.  
  
"I am Zechs Merquise. Obviously the best looking of the Gundam Wing cast. As I get more fan mail than anyone else." Zechs said proudly.  
  
Quatre and Trowa walked over to Duo to hear what he was listening to.  
  
"I personally think I should have been made the sole star of the show. I try to tell the animators how much more popular the show would have been if they did. But did they listen? Noooooooooooooooooooooo." Zechs whined terribly.  
  
(Footsteps approaching) "That explains why you never really liked Heero very much." Noin spoke up. "Come on, Honey Bunny."  
  
"You know how I feel about that name." Zechs groaned.  
  
"I know. But now that we are going out, I now have that option to call you what ever nick name I want. Honey Bunny." Noin said sarcastically  
  
"Then does that give me the ability to call you what ever nick name I choose for you?"  
  
"Nope. No names that are displeasing and haven't been approved by the girlfriend. Its written in the book." Noin sounded very sure of herself.  
  
"What book?" Zechs asked curiously.  
  
"The unwritten book of love." Silence. "Hey? Is that a Brittany Spears CD?" Noin asked curiously.  
  
"Yes. I've been meaning to ask WuFei if I could borrow it." Zechs put the CD in and a song immediately started playing. Noin and Zechs both started singing to it.  
  
"Oops, I did it again. . ." Noin and Zechs.  
  
Duo looked over at Quatre and Trowa, who both sweat dropped. "Oye, I would never have pegged Zechs as a karaoke fan."  
  
(Zechs and Noin finished the song and left) Silence. (Footsteps approaching)  
  
"Noin? Where is everory body? (hiccups) Where'ered everyone go? (hiccups)" sounds of more hiccupping, Une sat down in the chair. "Ooooohhhhh. What's this?" Une put in a CD and Metallica music started playing.  
  
"F it all and no regrets. I hit the lights on these dark sets."  
"I need a voice to let myself, to let myself go free."  
  
Une in the background. "WOO YEAY!" Une screamed. (Sound of furniture being thrown about.)  
  
"F it all, fin' no regrets."  
"I hit the lights on these dark sets."  
"Medallion noose, I hang myself,"  
"Saint Anger 'round my neck."  
  
The song finished and Une sighed. "Whew. I needed that. After all those years of listening to Trieze's classical and instrumental music."  
  
"Now only two things left to do. One, get some more of this delightful punch that Duo gave me. (Hiccups) And two, find that little "hottie" Trowa. Look out world, I'm feeling lucky!"  
  
Quatre looked at Duo, horrified. "Punch, Duo?"  
  
Duo grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, there is punch in it as well. Come on! I wanted the people here to lighten up a bit! I didn't think she would be a party animal!"  
  
They looked at Trowa and sweat dropped. Remembering what she said. Trowa, surprisingly enough, blushed a little. But they weren't sure if it was because of what Une had said, or because he was holding an empty glass of Duo's punch in his hand.  
  
Then, Trowa did something even more surprising. He stood up and smiled slightly. Intertwining his fingers, he stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles before walking in the direction of the radio tower.  
  
"Hey Quatre, you don't think. . ." Duo began.  
  
"I don't want to think right now, Duo." Quatre held his hand in his head and looked up when another sound on the radio picked up.  
  
(Sounds of footsteps approaching.) "WuFei, where are you, coward! Yesh. Put him in a life or death situation. . .he's fine! Show him a needle, and he runs away like Maxwell. Weak yatsu." Sally pocked around the room.  
  
"Oye! Wu-man is afraid of needles!" Duo cracked up laughing.  
  
"Duo. . ." A threatening WuFei said behind him. Duo looked around him slowly. WuFei was standing there with his Katana already out.  
  
"eep!" Duo squeaked.  
  
"Are you out there WuFei? I'm calling you out!" She stopped yelling in the microphone and took on a pleasant tone of voice.  
  
"Or maybe I could bribe you? I could take you out to dinner? A movie perhaps? Maybe, a romantic stroll down the beach at sunset? Just you, me, and your. . ."Kitana?" Her voice became very suggestive. "That would be the day."  
  
"Dinner for two lit by candlelight? Some Brittany Spears music to set the mood? Of course, It always depends on what mood we're in."  
  
WuFei's face became very, very red, in the process of standing there and listening to her talk. Duo and Quatre both had their hands over their mouths and both were turning purple. Trying not to laugh out loud in front of WuFei, for fear of his katana. And his "Katana."  
  
"If nothing else, I can have Heero knock you unconscious and Releena can fix your hair."  
  
WuFei made a dead run as fast as he could toward the radio station. A few seconds later on the radio. . .  
  
"YES! YES! DINNER! MOVIE! BEACH! ANYTHING BUT THAT LAST ONE!" WuFei yelled over the radio.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
Duo and Quatre couldn't hold it any longer and burst out laughing and rolling on the ground. Both holding their guts and laughing so hard they were crying.  
  
Until they heard Heero mumbling over the radio. (Sounds of many female voices talking) Quatre identified the voices as four of his maids at the mansion. The sounds of gulping and drinking glasses being clinked together was heard in the background. Duo's punch bottles.  
  
"Wow, Heero! You have such a BIG Gundam!" One of the maids exclaimed. The other giggled in the background.  
  
"Mission completed." Was all that Heero said before the radio station turned off.  
  
Duo and Quatre looked at each other questioningly. The same question burned on the others mind. Did Heero. . .? "Naaahhh!" They both said and shook their heads. 


End file.
